This morning I was reading some of my favorite online clickbait – stories about secrets found out by people about their families from DNA tests. I love the drama of it, the exposing of secrets, the mysteries being solved, or even things completely unknown springing out of nowhere. But reading some of the stories – I start wondering about who has the right to tell the stories when it comes to family secrets? They are exposing it all for the entertainment of the internet. I think about that a bit with genealogy and my own personal history and think maybe some stories aren’t mine to tell, and that is something I have to be okay with.
I admit I probably did go looking for family secrets once upon a time. I purchased 23andme kits for myself, my mom, and my dad – but the results didn’t pack any surprises. I’ve got a few generations traced back via DNA – again the beauty of DNA painting – and there doesn’t seem to be any misattributed parentage (the polite way to say it’s not the right name on the birth certificate, babies switched at birth, or secret adoption). These clickbait stories about DNA does raise the possibility – if the information is out in the open, at least via a website, and there is hard science backing up the information – should things still be treated as secrets? So many people have come to the conclusion the answer is no. Clickbait I have consumed have included stories of closed adoptions suddenly being blown up; DNA revealing to a person they had a White passing parent; or even people being told by a doctor from DNA company they are intersex. In this new age of science and technology we have a wealth of newly available genealogical information, that can change a life within minutes. DNA results have exposed deep secrets that families had intended to take to the grave. I don’t know how society is doing catching up with it all. DNA results have started including a warning on them for a reason, because the infrastructure is not there yet for all people to handle secrets being unlocked.
For society to catch up, I believe reflection needs to be key. Interpreting the data through a lens of humanity is a must. If we stick to just raw facts (which do very much have their place) we will be missing a full and complete picture. But again this has raised the idea, what stories are mine to tell? Genealogists have sometimes chosen to gloss over stories that are too raw; or tried to sanitize them in the retelling. DNA results isn’t allowing that to happen – instead pushing hard truths and dark secrets out into the open. My rules right now are – if there are government documents or newspaper articles, then it isn’t a secret and free to share. If the majority of the people I am writing about are dead, and I’m descended from them it is my story to share. If it is a piece of information that is common knowledge it is mine to share. I want the stories I tell to be ones that are interesting, but not exposés. Of course these are my rules, and I do believe others have the right to do what they need to do with family information.
My hope with this website is to offer nuance, and balance. Part of Maiden Name Unknown is working to tell stories about people who stories might not be told about, to balance out the information that has been gathered by others. The people I’m writing about were real and human. They made mistakes, misjudgments and caused hurt. They also had hopes, dreams, and successes. I want to write about it all, because like it or not, they are who we came from.
On this website, I don’t want the stories I tell to alter someone’s mind completely when it comes to their ancestors. I want to open them to the possibility of seeing people in maybe a new light. A light that is maybe a little harsher at times, maybe a little grittier; or even a little more playful; but at the end of the day a reminder that our ancestors are not some ideal to aspire to; or some monster to runaway from; but people like us.
Maiden Name Unknown 